Being angry was a part of my personality. People around me told me that I seemed angry quite often but I always convinced myself that they were exaggerating, or they were just intentionally trying to instigate an argument. Everything frustrated me. It didn’t matter what it was, if it was impeding on my plans or slowing me down and it was enough to make me fuming mad.
It’s embarrassing now to think of how often I flew off the handle. A light turns red at a stoplight, a restaurant isn’t as good as I thought they should be and the house was out of milk, etc. The list is endless. I eventually came to a point when I could no longer ignore the fact that I was living in a constant state of anger. I enrolled in anger management courses.
In the end there were three main points that helped me to reduce my anger and to control my temper. It wasn’t easy, but eventually, I no longer feel like I’m ruining the lives of everyone around me. I find my friends wanting to spend more time with me and I find that I have a more positive outlook about life in general. These are the three tips that I would offer anyone wanting to wrangle their frustration and anger.
Consider others feelings
We know this since we were children but we rarely use it. We often speak without taking a moment to consider the words before they’ve left our lips or how the words will affect other people. My anger makes me to say whatever I wanted without any control. I would yell and shout and could say the ugliest things without a single thought as to how the words would sound to others. I hurt my wife and my children because I couldn’t control myself. I never wanted to hurt them I was just lack of the ability to control myself when necessary.
I have learned that when I begin to feel anger I should take a minute to calm, because I might say something bad. Additionally, 95% of the time I didn’t really mean the words I want to say. Now, if I want to say something, I will take some time to be alone until I calm down and then think through my thoughts and actions.
My anger was how I express myself, but in a wrong way. When I was angry, I say whatever I want instead of communicating with people. The more I yell the further they would get away from me and the less they would listen. In effect my anger makes the situation go completely opposite direction. I wanted people around me to know how I was feeling but by being tense and frustrated all the time, no one wanted to talk with me at all.
Once I learned about my anger I realized there are many ways to express myself. I also learned that sometimes it’s best to wait a little while before explain my feelings. By giving myself a chance to work through my anger, I could come back and sit down to have a proper conversation instead of an argument. When I stared to be non-confrontational, I learned to state my needs in a clear direct fashion that wouldn’t hurt others.
Doing exercise and activity
This may seem unrelated but it’s actually related. By doing exercise and activities that get your heart rate up so that you are able to expand the excess energy. When you expend this energy you’ll be more relaxed and less likely to fly off the handle. The fact is, many people are easy to be angry and frustrated because they don’t know how to take advantage of other outlets. Get your heart rate up or find a hobby you love that gets you focused and engaged, you will see the result. I was amazed by how different I saw the world after I went out and started exercising. I not only lose some weight, I but also became energized in a positive way which makes me happy.
Feeling good kept me from blowing up and helped me to look at the positive sides of life. I am no longer frustrated when I got stopped at a stoplight because I was relaxed and feeling good. Who cares if it takes me an extra minute to get where I’m going when the sun is shining and life is going up? You don’t have to go overboard to get the great effects of exercise. Get out and go for a walk, jog around the block a few times, take the dance class you’ve always wanted, learn Zumba and try some yoga. Whatever sounds good, go for it!
Once I started to work on my anger, my wife told me that she was going to leave me if I hadn’t changed. When I was angry I was only focused on my own emotions and my own world, I never realized that my marriage was crumbling around me. My wife said I was a nice and happy person when we just met, then I changed completely and it made her miserable. She said there were many times that she didn’t even want to come to home after work. Now we spend our weekends together and take turns to try to see who can find a new and exciting outing. We’re dating again.